I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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