The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
how does that bad decision feel?
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