do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
