Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
