FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize