just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude i'm inner monologue high
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
