the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
