I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
