so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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