no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So vagazzling was a success
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
