Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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