Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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