someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
