You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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