i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
