meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
