Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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