i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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