We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
