Having a random hookup so left but love u
I look better un-naked...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
