I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
