Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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