a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
