i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
