I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
