this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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