Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
