Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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