singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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