I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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