Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
