just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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