i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Randomize
