If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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