explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
