Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize