You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
my sisters under your porch take her home
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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