hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
