so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
