Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
