Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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