the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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