I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This baby is an asshole
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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