I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
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Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize