just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I am naked and annoyed.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
