I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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