Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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