That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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