Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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