I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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