what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
