Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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