You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Still dying that you shit outside
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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