So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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