did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
