Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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