So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
